Kono Kureijii na Konran!
by gotToluvAnime
Summary: Now who said work has to be boring? AU full summary inside. In english: "This Crazy Mess!"
1. Prologue

**Summary:** _What happens if we put together a female whip-smart big time company worker posing as a man, a fiery blackmailing secretary, a handsome co-worker who's madly in love with this whip-smart "supposed" twin sister and an admirer who happens to be the company president's daughter? A story with no plot at all, just wacky instances that wouldn't happen in real life. Now who said work has to be boring. _

_AU_

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**Kono Kureijii na Konran!**

**-Prologue-**

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For three whole years, I've been keeping a really dark secret, _if found_, could ruin my whole life. For three whole years, I had gained exceptional skills and tricks needed to keep this secret perfectly hidden. For three whole years, I had been living a life full of nothing but a lie. And for another whole year, I have to keep living this lie and make sure to keep this secret _still _unnoticed.

"Are we all set on this?"

With nothing but eagerness and determination in their eyes, everybody nodded in unison. I decided to turn my gaze away and dropped it down on the notes presented.

I knew she would see right through me because with less than a couple seconds, I heard my name called out in the open "Are there any problems?"

I studied the graphs at hand, brows creased, "If they wish to maintain a 30-percent debt level, an additional 20-percent should be borrowed, matching the increase in equity. This in turn would raise the funding potential for reinvestment to a 50-percent."

Her eyes squinted as she returned the same cocky smile back at me "Then there would be an 8-percent dropped on ROA."

"Yes," I turned the chair fully facing her and smiled knowingly. "However there would be a boost of 16-percent on ROE."

Kanzaki examined me for another couple of seconds before cocking her brow up. I widened my grin and stared directly into her eyes. She sighed, smiling before the members around, she asked straightforwardly, "Then we all agree to him?"

Again, with the same amount of determination, everyone nodded in agreement. And with Kanzaki's lead, she then dismissed everyone.

One by one, the board members approached and praised me for my bold and confident statement. I kept the congratulatory part quick and simple, by nodding my head as I made my way out of the conference room.

"You always find a way to oppose, don't you?" Kanzaki uttered as she walked beside me.

I chuckled, replying "It's simply finding a better way."

"I thought you'd loosen a little on me, being who I am."

"I'm not very considerate." I answered directly.

"You do know I could report you to my father."

I laughed, shaking my head, "Shachou, wouldn't even consider that."

"You're that arrogant, huh?"

I looked at her and shook my head in response, "Nope." Then with a cocky grin, I replied, "I'm that confident."

Kanzaki giggled, continuing her earnest desire to walk beside me. Tucking her brunette locks behind her ears, Kanzaki then asked out of the blue "So are we still on for lunch?"

I stopped, just a few meters away from my office and responded "I guess. But I do have to interview someone."

"Oh, that's right. You have a new applicant for a secretary? How many have you turned down?"

"She's coming in today. It'll be my 6th applicant in a week."

"You're very picky aren't you?" She asked, teasingly.

"I'm not." I waved. "I was just so used to my former secretary that I tend to compare them to her."

"Retirement sucks, huh?" She kidded.

I dismissively waved a hand, and turned my back against her. "I'll meet you after then."

"I'll just drop by your office, how's that?"

"Sounds good to me."

* * *

Three minutes had passed since I took my sit in front of him. All I could see was his shiny golden locks as he carefully and critically examine my resume before me. And every time I hear him sigh or smirk, I could feel myself sweat a little more and more. With another couple of seconds, he finally looked up, his judging teal eyes staring directly at mine.

"Kaioh Michiru, right?"

"Yes." I replied politely with a smile.

"You have very impressive recommendations." He nodded, taking note of it. "So you graduated from W University?"

"Yes. I took my major there and graduated top of my batch." I responded, keeping my smile up.

"Well everyone could at that Party college." I heard him say in a silent but audible whisper.

I opted to respond with a quick "Excuse me?"

"Nothing. Nothing." He waved his hand as he cleared his throat. I decided to leave it be and just sit on the chair as proper and confident as possible. He looked at me once again, then sighed, handing my resume back at me. "I'm sorry Ms. Kaioh, but I'm afraid I cannot hire you."

"This may sound overly confident, but I believe I'm qualified enough for this position." I reasoned out, taking my stand.

"Yes, yes you are." He immediately agreed but then added, "You are just not what I'm looking for."

I could see right through him- _right through that pretentious face_. Behind that deceiving smile is that arrogant smirk, laughing at me- _laughing at my credentials._ But no matter how much I want to wipe that fake cocky grin off his face, I still had to maintain my composure. _Because, I do badly needed this job._

"Please sir, do reconsider."

"I'm sorry but I already made up my mind."

"I need this job." I begged, adding, "I have two people in need of my support and the only way I could give that is to get this job."

"Do you know how many people who are as good as you fighting for this job?" He asked, as he walked out of his table.

"Excuse me?"

"Every year, 100,000 newly graduates are looking for jobs, add it to the 1 million people who are still looking for jobs that makes it 1.1 million. If we take at least 30% of it that's qualified as you that makes it what?"

"330 thousand people." I answered.

"Yes. And if we at least take 1% of it who have the same opportunity as you do have now then that makes it 3.3 thousand people."

"What's your point?" I asked curiously.

"That makes it 3.3 thousand unhappy people who lost their chance to have a job because I hired you out of pity."

I tried to speak up but she raced me to it.

"930 yen an hour multiply that to 8 hours a day for 6 days a week to 49 weeks a year. That's about what, 2.2 million yen a year." he told me, adding, "You're asking me to waste almost 2.2 million yen on you because you have two people to look after?" smirking as he shook his head. "You may have people to support but that doesn't make you more qualified than others."

"I'm not asking you to sympathize with me I'm just asking you to reconsider." I argued, yet maintaining the politeness of my voice.

"Shall we go?" A woman suddenly walked in. She looked at me then back at him. "I'm sorry. I thought you we're already done."

He looked at her and smiled "Yes, we are done."

"I am-…" I tried to stop him but as soon as he peered over his shoulder, with his dark teal eyes looking directly at me, he then spoke assertively, "We are done here, Ms. Kaioh."

I felt my composure reaching its limit. But instead of giving in, I forced a smile out and left, repeating over and over to myself that he'll soon pay for this- _that this arrogant human being will have his karma very soon._

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I was in the middle of enjoying my lunch when this foolish waiter suddenly bumped into a table and splashed a pitcher of coke all over me. Kanzaki tried to help by wiping it with a cloth _which normally what should be done_ but I had to pull away _which is what I exactly should do in my case_. Now, I'm just hurriedly making my way back to the office to get this clothes dried up at once. _And did I mention I just left the president's daughter by herself?_

_I would definitely be hearing a lot from her tomorrow._

Once there, I quickly made my way inside the office, locked the door and headed to the bathroom. I quickly removed my coat then my polo and washed it all off. After hanging both clothes up, I decided to rest in my office and wait for it to dry. But as soon as I opened the bathroom door, I suddenly had come face to face with a familiar being. She froze at the same instance that I did. I stared at her, _terrifiedly_, as those bulging blue eyes examined me from head to chest.

_For three whole years, I've been keeping a really dark secret, if found, could ruin my whole life. For three whole years, I had gained exceptional skills and tricks needed to keep this secret perfectly hidden. For three whole years, I had been living a life full of nothing but a lie. And for another whole year, I have to keep living this lie and make sure to keep this secret still unnoticed._

That is what I originally had planned…

But as soon as that mouth of hers opened, I knew this year wouldn't be the same again. And with her blue eyes still glued onto my wrapped up chest, she managed to spoke coherently out,

"You're… a woman?"

* * *

**Prologue so nothing is special... lol**

**I started another story to get my mind off from all the serious ones I've been writing. This fic will serve as my scape-goat. lol **

**Mainly humor, romance will exist, and do remember that nothing should be taken too seriously. Hilarity will ensue each and every single day in this office as Haruka tries her very best to dodge all the instances where her secret might be revealed and the situations her secretary _intentionally_ puts her into. lol**

******"Kono Kureijii na Konran****!" means "This Crazy Mess!" Haruka Tenou Distant Sky King corrected me. THANKS!**

_regarding the ROE and ROA, go along with it. I don't have any clue what I'm talking about. I just placed numbers _

_I deleted several stories of mine since I don't plan on updating them anytime soon. I'm almost done with the original finale for The Letter(for some reason, I recently started working on it again.)_


	2. Mess 1

**Summary:** _What happens if we put together a female whip-smart big time company worker posing as a man, a fiery blackmailing secretary, a handsome co-worker who's madly in love with this whip-smart "supposed" twin sister and an admirer who happens to be the company president's daughter? A story with no plot at all, just wacky instances that wouldn't happen in real life. Now who said work has to be boring._

_AU_

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_

**Kono Kureijii na Konran!**

**-Mess 1-**

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With much frustration, Haruka kept her hand slamming repetitively against her horn as she waited impatiently inside her car. She knew this wouldn't change anything but nevertheless this continuous honking would at least help her ease this rapidly growing annoyance. After a couple of minutes, this epitome of her raging irritation finally walked out the door smiling mockingly back at her. Enraged at that reaction, Haruka once again, slammed her hand against the horn, making loud and rude noises. Michiru only widened her smile as she now purposely walked in small slow step towards the car.

_'Why this?'_ Haruka growled, leaning her head by the wheel as images of yesterday's events flashed before her eyes.

_-flashback-_

_Michiru, realizing she had dropped something in Haruka's office, went immediately back there. And knowing that the blonde wasn't around, she tried to check if the doors were open. Luckily in enough, it was. She went in and started searching. While in the midst of her earnest search, the doors suddenly bust open, with a man nagging and grunting on and on. Michiru saw Haruka quickly making her way near her. Without giving it much thought, she rolled under the table and hid._

_A sigh of relief escaped Michiru's mouth as she heard the bathroom door shut closed. She crawled out the table and in tip toes, Michiru proceeded to the door. But in an insane timing, the bathroom door swung open, revealing a top naked Haruka standing by the door frame. Michiru froze, looking at the bandaged wrapped around Haruka's top half._

_The blonde went pale as she expectedly knew what was coming up next._

"_You're…. a woman?"_

_Haruka just closed her eyes, inwardly scolding herself._

"_You're a woman!" This time Michiru's voice was louder. Haruka ran towards her and covered her mouth._

"_Don't!" the blonde hushed. Michiru nodded._

_Haruka slowly dropped her hand and took a step back. "What the hell are you doing here?"_

"_So you're a woman." _

"_Hey! I'm asking you here."_

_Michiru looked up and smiled mischievously at her. Haruka gulped, taking another step back and smiled politely, "You're hired then."_

"_Oh, I know." She smiled cunningly back, adding "And a raise to 1500 yen an hour."_

"_Wha-…"_

"_Also, you have to pick me up in my home every morning for the rest that I'm working here and bring me back as well." Michiru fnished, crossing her arms over her chest._

"_That's going too far!" Haruka spat._

"_Posing as a man is what exactly?" Michiru shot back._

_The blonde glared, gritting. "You!" _

"_I'll take that as a yes then."_

_-end of flashback-_

After what seemed like a decade, Michiru finally reached the car and entered, greeting in breezy carefree attitude, "Good Morning!"

Haruka looked at her, frowning "What's so good about morning."

Her secretary only smiled and hummed on her street. Haruka, once again ignored, grunted as she drove their way to the office. After half an hour of joyful humming and irritated growling, the two finally reached the building. Haruka, wanting to stay away from any rumors, parked the car at the farthest lot.

Both stepped out, with the smaller one asking, "Why did you parked here?"

"Rumors are a very powerful weapon." Haruka replied, fixing her tux. She turned to Michiru once again and spoke "You go ahead and I'll come a few minutes later."

Michiru replied monotonously, "Oh sneaky."

Haruka rolled her eyes, quickly responding "Don't mock me."

* * *

With a smile on her face, Michiru stretched her arms up as she relaxed herself on her seat. She was obviously happy to be working here. And she was undoubtedly proud, regardless of how she managed to get here because today, her life and two other people's life will change for the better. And that's enough to be happy and proud about.

While in the process of arranging her things into her new table, a man suddenly barged in on her.

"You must be lost?" he asked, smiling as he blinked his eye.

Michiru looked up and stared at him. He was tall, with broad shoulders, piercing blue eyes, shiny white teeth, and properly combed black hair. He was attractive, well groomed and definitely… _a player._

Michiru's lips curled up, as the man only continued, adding "Because an angel like you should be in heaven."

_It was lame._

Michiru very well knew how lame it was. _'Good thing that this man has the face to compensate it with.' _She thought as she held her laughter back and smiled politely to him. But before Michiru could reply anything, the man's head snapped forward then back as he winced,

"Ite-te-te!"

"Don't mess with my secretary, Jun." Haruka scolded. The man turned around and frowned. Haruka only rolled her eyes and asked "What do you want?"

"Ah it's about the data from last month. Can we discuss it inside?" Jun held the paper up.

Haruka nodded and opened the door for him. She then placed her suitcase on the table and took the papers from him.

"What if we lower it down to 12-percent, would that be possible?" he asked

Skimming through the graphs, she then replied "Do you want Kanzaki-san to get mad at me?"

"Reina?" Jun sneered then mocked, "I would love to see that happen."

Haruka dismissed him with a hand, and reviewed the graphs again. "12-percent would give us a 3-percent deficit on this area which can be critical in the future."

"You know what else I love to see?" Jun mumbled, clearly not listening to what Haruka had just said. The blonde looked at him, slightly irritated but refused to give in. So instead, Haruka continued with her analysis while Jun continued with his own musings. "I would love to see more of your secretary."

Without a second thought, Haruka smacked the files against Jun's head, saying "Don't bother coming in here again if you can't be serious!"

"Sheesh." Jun exhaled, tending his swollen forehead. "You're like woman having her period."

"What are you talking about?" Haruka replied in a shock then denied in a very weird manner, _almost too obvious,_ "I am not a woman. I'm a man." And roared like an idiot as she flexed her biceps, "I'm a man. I'm all man!"

"Yeah I know…" Jun replied, adding with a sly smile "But are you gay?"

Fuelled by anger, Haruka pulled Jun's arm and dragged him out of her office. Jun only looked at the door and wondered if he had hit the right spot. Feeling sorry, he shouted at the door as he left, "I'm all for it Haruka! It's okay!"

_Meanwhile..._

Inside the office, Haruka took her cellphone out and quickly checked the calendar. And then she saw it, marked with capital IMPT on the date today was her time of the month. The day she always dreaded for and never had once forgotten… _until today that is._

'_Why the hell did I forget this?'_ she asked herself then a clear image of Michiru flashed before her. She growled, long and loud, realizing whose fault this all was in the first place.

Haruka instantly called for Michiru who entered the office a few seconds later.

The blonde handed her wallet over to her and ordered, "Buy me some tampons now!"

"Why would you forget this kind of things?"

Holding her anger back, Haruka repeated herself, "Now. Buy me some tampons now."

Michiru, without any further questions or smart-ass comments raised, obediently went out to buy tampons.

And after a few minutes of waiting, Michiru walked back inside the office, carrying what seemed nothing like a tampon.

"Napkins?" Haruka gritted. "I have a meeting in less than half an hour and you expect me to wear this?"

"Yes unless you like parading around with a red stain behind you." Michiru shot back whihch earned her a fake smile. She then continued, explaining "Tampons weren't available and I am too tired to go and search further."

Haruka glared at her, almost _this close to snapping at her_, then angrily grabbed the pack of napkins from her.

* * *

_Restless. Uneasy. Tensed._

Three perfect adjectives to describe what Haruka was feeling while on the meeting. She kept moving in her seat and intentionally kept inhaling deeply, so to be aware if whether or not the smell was leaking already. After all, it had been 2 hours since she had worn the napkin and things like that are bound to happen. Feeling the need to change, Haruka raised her hand in the middle of an important discussion.

"Yes, Tenoh-san?" an old co-worker asked.

"May I please be excused?"

"On what accounts?" He asked.

Haruka, though feeling a little pissed at the question, replied "There's this document needed to be done before lunch."

"Then why didn't you finish it much earlier?"

"I thought you'd be done much earlier." She spat but quickly regretted it, saying "Sorry about that. But I don't think I am needed here since this is not my area of expertise."

"Fine." The man, feeling a little humiliated agreed to Haruka's demand. "I'll send a copy to your office for you to study."

"Thank you." Haruka smiled and stood up. She then pressed her back against the wall and walked sideways out of the room. Everyone was confused, wondering what had just happened, but opted to neglect it. After all, kids nowadays are expected to act unexpectedly.

Haruka ran through the hallway, to the elevator then to the office. Michiru then spotted the blonde approaching in a high speed and decided to tease the obviously irritated blonde by mumbling,

"Changing?"

Haruka stopped, looked at her then glared, "You. My unlucky charm."

Michiru laughed then smiled innocently, obviously taunting the blonde more. Haruka waved a hand, _grunting,_ trying to reason out with herself why it's better not to argue with her, and just go directly inside her office.

_3 minutes later..._

_..._

_.._

_._

After her first successful napkin change, Haruka sat on the couch and gave out a long sigh of relief. She had been doing this for three years now but she never felt such triumphant before until now. It was as if like a heavy rock was lifted off from her. Haruka kept smiling proudly to herself _until_, someone unexpectedly entered and called her out.

"Haruka."

The blonde looked up and saw Kanzaki standing in front of her. She stood up and greeted her with a smile. "Kanzaki-san, hello. What brings you here?"

"How many times do I have to tell you to call me Reina when we're alone?" Reina teased, smiling charmingly at the blonde.

"You're my boss. You're my boss's daughter. I can't do that."

Reina rolled her eyes, disregarding Haruka's response, and went on with what brought her there in the first place.

"These are the new files from yesterday. I've changed it according to what you had suggested. My father had agreed with your proposal but asked if we could raise the funding potential to about 65-percent."

Haruka grabbed the files at hand and carefully examined the graphs. Too indulged with the graphs and charts, she didn't even notice when Reina wasn't longer beside her but was on her way towards the bathroom.

Reina stared at the mirror, trying her very best to calm herself down. Being in front of the blonde could make her heart beat like out of control. That's how Haruka makes her feel. That's how strong that unwilling and dense blonde is to her. She knew calming herself could take a while but she needs to. Yet she doesn't have to anymore. Because as soon as she saw something remarkably familiar and awfully weird to be in Haruka's trash can, her heartbeat returned to normal.

Outside, Haruka was still busy studying the files. She wanted to make the president's desire, though impossible, be feasible. The blonde reached for her phone and asked,

"Kaioh-san, would you kindly give me the documents dating 1st of January 2009."

"Hai."

A few seconds later, Michiru entered, holding a couple of documents a long with her.

"Just place it on the table."

"Ah yes." Her secretary complied, but before leaving, she then turned to Haruka and asked, "Isn't Kanzaki-san in your office?"

"Yes." Haruka's eyes still glued onto the paper.

Michiru looked around then asked again, "So where is she?"

Haruka looked up exactly the same time the bathroom door swung open, revealing a shock and mildly confused brunette looking back at them. Haruka could feel her heart beat crazily within her. She knew from that disturbed look of Reina, that the brunette had found something that wasn't supposed to be there. And was proven a half second later, when Reina asked dubiously

"Why is there a napkin in your trash can?"

It was too silent. So silent, Haruka could hear her hear pounding against her chest. The blonde looked at Reina then at Michiru, her heartbeat kept racing. With no alibis in mind, Haruka just stared at Reina in pure dreading silence accompanied by extreme panic.

Without giving it much thought, Michiru suddenly muttered, "It's mine!"

The blonde looked at Michiru, worriedly, but thanked her for thinking that fast.

"Yours?" Reina asked, looking at Michiru.

"Yes." Michiru answered, then explained "I feel really uncomfortable using public restrooms whenever I have my period so I asked Tenoh-san if I could use this restroom. He was considerate enough to let me."

Reina laughed at the thought, yet feeling jealousy rising within her.

"That would be all, Kaioh-san." Haruka suddenly voiced out, turning to look at her secretary.

"I'm sorry fir any troubles it caused you." Michiru bowed then bid, walking directly out the door.

"I'll check up on this and try my very best to grant your father's desire." Haruka spoke as she turned to face Reina again. "Is that all?"

Surprised at the sudden change of attitude, Reina replied before leaving, "Yes, that would be all."

Once alone, Haruka once again called for her secretary. Michiru complied and went in, frowning at the blonde standing in front of her.

"What do you want now?"

"Thank you. Before with Kanzaki, thank you."

"You know for a successful smart-ass financial adviser, you suck at lying."

"I've been living a life of lie, and not once did I ever got caught. How does that make me suck at lying?"

Michiru sneered, bantering out "That makes you lucky not smart."

"Why-…Arghh…" Haruka gave up, growling outloud.

"Is that all?"

"Ah not exactly." Haruka turned away, rubbing the back of her neck. "You know when you have your period, your breast feel a little painful and heavy."

"Yes."

"Well mine does now and I want to loosen the bandage around me."

"You want me to help you?" Michiru asked, arching her brow up. "I thought you've been doing this for years now, why do you need me for?"

Haruka glared, arguing "It'll be faster and easier. Besides I'm paying you more than necessary, I could at least make use of it."

Michiru sighed, walking behind Haruka. "Fine."

It took them a couple of minutes before everything got properly done. Michiru walked in front of her as Haruka buttoned herself up.

"Is it flat enough?" Haruka asked, as she took a quick glance at Michiru.

Michiru's lips curled into a sly smile as she asked "Are you hitting on me?"

Haruka's head snapped back up, brows creasing as her voice rose "What?"

"Well, I always did wonder how it must feel like. The difference from the real ones." Michiru mused, placing her hand over Haruka's chest.

Haruka blushed profusely and was about to move away until she heard a loud thump coming from their side. Both women looked sideways and saw the same brunette as before in total shock. And it only got worse when another familiar being gasped happily out,

"Whoa! Nice."

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**That's 2 mess in one day. lol Thanks for reading.**

_**A big big hug to these people who took the time to review: petiyaka, seraeris, cookie86, haruka tenoh distant sky king, M and jade-mest! love lots!**_

**Nothing serious, as told. a lot of crazier stuff in stored. if you guys have any crazy suggestions, i'm open for it. you could tell me by sending me a message. lol. I really like writing this one since I'm having fun and I could do all the crazy and stupid stuff. lol**

_I hit the same wall as I wrote the letter once again. I once again realized why i stopped writing it. but i'll try to do something about it._

**THANKS!**


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